A letter from a friend
Outlook of BDSM and M/s
When a person watches BDSM or a M/s relationship from a objective standpoint one often assumes that it is merely the physical control of one person over the other. That one person is forced to submit and the other asserts control. The truth of the matter is that BDSM and M/s are far from a objective thing. It is not a end, but rather a means to an end.
In any relationship the couple must have a bond, a connection. For some that is cuddling on a porch watching the sun set, for others fondly kneeling at the Feet of their Dom. BDSM in this case is a means of showing love for each other, one through their submission to their Master. The other through the thoughtful and respectful domination of their sub. And of course not only is it a means, it is a means that many enjoy at a level that is hard to explain.
BDSM is not about Control.
Furthermore, BDSM is not about force and control. Those are poor words to use. Any sub or slave should willingly do what their Dom orders. However by no means are they forced to obey. They have the choice. And sometimes are punished for "wrong" choices. However this is something that they take on willingly. They trust in their Dom's to punish them for a reason....not to simply punish them.
Trust. This is the Foundation of Domination. A Dom must trust his sub to do as he wishes in his prescence and when alone. And a sub must trust her dom to care for her, not to treat her unfairly...and to care for her heart.
Respect in BDSM and M/s
Respect This is another cornerstone of Domination. A sickening number of Masters and Doms in SL believe that slaves are here to serve as their personal doormats, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally. Sometimes all three. I have seen a lot of variety in this particular abuse of M/s.
Some obvious, punishment of a slave who doesn't enjoy it for the sake of some sadistic pleasure on the part of the Master. I cannot argue with the fact that a Master has that right, but it is a abuse. You will find plenty of people here that love the punishment for the punishment, find them.
Some not so obvious to those that are new to M/s here. One such thing is what I like to call the 'Catch and release method." This is namely those Masters who feel the need to have a slave for a few days or weeks and than release them to find another. A sub friend of mine once surmised it like this, and I agree. "Most Masters here collar a slave to claim exclusive rights over the avatar he sees. He cares not for the person behind the screen, he cares not for the feelings of her....he merely wants what he can claim as his own..and when he gets bored she gets let go." This is one of the attitudes that really, aggervates me. One can never forget the person who controls the avatar.
Another are those Dom's who own 2,3,4,14,58 slaves. I do not deny that you can have a slave family in SL. I in fact own two lovely girls. However one must always consider the girls when you have such a family. For instance, if one decides he wants another slave he should consider his current slave girls. Having 5 girls might sound like a great idea. But can cause a lot of heartache for the Dom or the subs should one not consider them. They do matter, and only a foolish Dom would consider taking their slaves opinion as weak.
Furthermore....I will say this. TRUTH is the most important thing in a slave family. Be honest with your slaves, and if they are honest with you it will work. Otherwise it is a diaster waiting to happen.
Freedoms and Restrictions in BDSM and M/s
This is one area even I must admit to have some issues. As a Master one has the authority to literally make her do his will. Whether to restrict her to him only, or to make her have sex with every person who asks. I have seen both. The only advice I can offer to slaves and Doms in SL is that it totally depends on the pair. Some girls like to be totally restricted, they like that protection and adherence to their Dom only. And on the flipside some are giddy over the thought that their Master has made it so they are subject to any person. And that they submit to their Master's will in that respect. You must be careful in the rules or orders you make your slave obey. They will reflect on you in the end, your slave will know her place based on these things. And if you give her rules not fitting for her in the end both the Dom and the sub will be hurt. The only caution I offer is to make sure that one is respectful of any such choice and to remember the saying.......
If you love a person let them go....if they love you they'll come back if not they were never yours.
(Not suggesting that you literally release them but you should get the idea)
Lists in SL BDSM and M/s.
I FULLY support this, have your slave fill out a "On and Off, Do's or Dont's, Kinks List. This is a good way to know where you can push and where you cannot. I will post one here as a example. Consider this a type of safeword replacement in SL. However safewords are still a good idea as well.
Mastering in BDSM and M/s.
I'll say it as it is. I have not met a slave or sub on SL who has not had a shitty, disrespectful and unsatisfying Dom. I will not say I have never screwed up as a Master. I have, but I am glad to say that most of the slaves I have lost were more to timezones or other uncontrolable things. And that they still keep in contact with me, and that some even still kneel to me.
Mastering is a combination of many important things.
1. The ability to know what a sub needs.
2. The ability to Dom without being overbearing.
3. The ability to put a slaves needs above your own should she need it.
4.The ability to respect hard limits, and knowing if to push soft ones.
5. And finally the ability to accept that a slave is human, and she will never be perfect.
Those who expect a slave to follow orders perfectly and punish a girl for what amounts to a small crime is a sad and apparent truth in SL.
This is my notecard on what I believe in the Foundations of Domination, and it is not complete in any sense of the word. But this is for those Dom's who know that BDSM has a bad name in SL because of other Dom's who can't Dom, and for those slaves and subs who have been hurt to know that there is hope. That there are Dom's out there who do care, who can Dom. Give this note to those who wish to learn, those you wish to teach, or those who need a little inspiration.
Alex Giacobini
I was given this by my friend Alex. I feel his words are very wise in all matters of the aspects stated above. I love you Alex, and despite your RL taking over so much, you still hold a special place in my heart.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Cyber Stalking
Cyberstalking-what is it, where can I get help
What is cyberstalking and what is cyberharassment?
Cyberstalking and cyberharassment are very similar. Most people use them interchangeably, but there is a subtle distinction, typically relating to the perpetratorfs intent and the original motivation for their behavior.
While the two situations usually involve many of the same online tactics, cyberstalking is almost always characterized by the stalker relentlessly pursuing his\her victim online and is much more likely to include some form of offline attack, as well. This offline aspect makes it a more serious situation as it can easily lead to
dangerous physical contact, if the victimfs location is known.
Why do people cyberstalk or cyberharass others?
Cyberstalkers are often driven by revenge, hate, anger, jealousy, obsession and mental illness. While a cyberharasser may be motivated by some of these same feelings, often the harassment is driven by the desire to frighten or embarrass the harassment victim.
Sometimes the harasser intends to teach the victim a lesson in netiquette or political correctness (from the harasserfs point of view). Often the cyberharassment victim is merely in the wrong place at the wrong time, or has made a comment or expressed an opinion that the cyberharasser dislikes. We have even seen cases where the victim is merely being targeted because they are the first ones the cyberharasser encounters when they are in a gbad mood.
What do cyberstalkers/harassers do when the stalk or harass someone?
The harasser may post comments intended to cause distress to the victim, or make them the subject of harassment by others. They may send a constant stream of e-mails and instant messages to their victims or a victimfs co-workers, friends, or family. They may pose as the victim and post offensive comments or send offensive messages in their name. They may send hateful or provocative communications to the victimfs boss, family or significant other (in their own name or posing as the victim). Often the victimfs computer is hacked or their e-mail accounts are broken-into by the cyberstalker/harasser and taken over entirely, or the password is changed and the victim locked out of their own accounts. The victim may be signed-up for spam, porn sites and questionable offers.
Cyberstalkers/harassers frequently follow their victims into chat rooms and onto discussion boards, posting lies and hateful messages, or passing misinformation about the victim. They may create sexually explicit images, using the head of their victims attached to the bodies of porn actors. If they have real sexually explicit or nude images of their victims (usually from a failed romantic relationship between the stalker/harasser and the victim), they may create Web sites posting the images and advertising the site to friends and family of the victim, or supply them to commercial porn sites with amateur image sections for public display. We are even familiar with cases where the cyberstalker has threatened the life of the President of the United States or the Queen of England, while posing as the victim.
In the most dangerous type of cases, the cyberstalker posts the name, address and telephone number of the victim online, often posing as them, and soliciting sexual activities on their behalf. In a California case, a man targeted a woman by posting her name and address online and soliciting group sex. The woman had never even used the computer before, but found herself facing angry, sexually frustrated men at her front door.
Death threats are typical in a cyberstalking situation. In fact, there have been several well-publicized cases in the United States where victims were eventually murdered by their stalkers. Many of these began as cyberstalking situations.
If there is any indication that a cyberstalker/harasser knows where the victim lives, works or how to find them offline, law enforcement must be contacted IMMEDIATELY to begin an active investigation into the circumstances of the situation. WiredSafety's law enforcement division, CyberLawEnforcement.org assists law enforcement in cyberstalking/harassment cases.
Is cyberstalking illegal? What about cyberharassment?
The laws tend to lump the two types of cybercrimes together. For the purposes of this guide, other than when there is a legal distinction, both cyberstalking and harassment are discussed under the heading gcyberstalking.h While most states in the United States have various types of cyberstalking/harassment laws on the books, there is no U.S. federal cyberstalking/harassment law (except when children under 16 are involved and being targeted for sexual harassment). Many Western European countries have cyberstalking/harassment laws, but they are the exception rather than the rule. Few Asian countries have cyberstalking/harassment laws.
If I canft file criminal charges against the cyberstalker/harasser, what can I do to them?
Often the victims of cyberstalking and cyberharassment are limited to civil litigation (suing the stalker or harassment) or reporting the cyberstalker/harasser to their ISP and trying to get their accounts revoked, or Web sites shutdown.
Are there different types of cyberstalking/harassment situations?
Absolutely! There are three different kinds of cyberstalking situations...
¡Online cyberstalking and harassment that stays online
¡Online harassment and stalking that ventures offline or encourages offline actions
¡Offline stalking or harassment that moves online
It doesnft make any difference whether or not the victim has even used the Internet. The distinction between online and offline is dependent on the medium used by the perpetrator.
For example, online stalking/harassing is usually defined as gcrepeated unsolicited contact by electronic meansch with the intent to gcterrify, intimidate, or harassch another. The medium in this instance can include computers, Fax machines, telephones, etc.
Offline stalking/harassment involves the same type of behavior, but in real life. This includes everything from repeatedly following a victim to actual physical contact between a stalker and his/her victim.
Although each of the three situations above include some form of online attack, and can be terrifying for a victim, only those that have an offline component are physically dangerous. Note: the laws in your jurisdiction may only cover offline stalking and harassment, or those with an offline component
What is the profile of a typical cyberstalking/harassment victim?
Cyberstalking occurs more often with women as the victim, although that is gradually changing. Our most recent survey discloses that men are being cyberstalked and harassed more frequently by women than ever before. To view our survey results, visit 2003 cyberstalking Survey.
Children who are stalked by adult sexual predators are not considered victims of cyberstalking, but rather are considered luring victims or victims of child exploitation. You can read our Margaretfs Story page for more information about how stalkers/harassers target children online for abuse/exploitation by others
What can you do to avoid becoming a victim of cyberstalking/harassment?
Typically, the cyberharassment victim is new online, and inexperienced with the rules of netiquette (online etiquette). So learning the rules of the cyber-road is a good way to avoid being an easy mark for a cyberstalker/harasser.
Typically, the cyberharasser feels empowered by the perceived anonymity online. They feel they can hide behind their monitor. But most people leave a trail of cyber-breadcrumbs behind them online. Learning how to read an e-mail header is a good place to start stripping your stalker/harasser of their perceived anonymity.
Ignoring the communications sent to you is the best first step to stopping most cyberstalking/harassment. Unless your situation involves a truly obsessed or depraved harasser, most will lose interest quickly if they don't get the reaction they seek. Our cyber-self-defense tips can help you avoid cyberstalking/harassment entirely and stop it before it gets out-of-hand.
Flaming wars (where insults and verbal attacks are traded online) can often lead to cyberstalking and harassment. Flaming can get out of control quickly and often escalates into serious threats, offline and online.
Cyberstalking, where the real dangers arise, can have a substantial offline aspect, either by way of the victim and stalker working together, romantically involved or prior or current communications of some kind. Some are intent on targeting victims of sexual abuse, cancer patients and members of certain minority groups. Protecting your privacy is key to protecting yourself form credible offline threats.
What is a quick list of safety tips to avoid cyberstalking/harassment?
Read our cyberstalking Online Self-Defense Guide and know these online safety rules:
¡Don't respond to flaming (provocation online)
¡Choose a genderless screen name
¡Don't flirt online, unless you're prepared for the consequences. This is just like real life. Yes, you have the right to flirt. And you have the right to a sexy nickname. But the more obvious you are, the more likely you are to arouse unwanted attention from unwanted suitors.
¡Save offending messages and report them to your service provider >>
¡If someone makes threats in a chat room or on a message board, notify the moderator or Web site operator right away
¡Donft confront the stalker/harasser, this only arouses more anger or emotional attacks
¡Don't give out any personal information about yourself or anyone else link to private surfing info]
¡Get out of a situation online that has become hostile, log off or surf elsewhere
¡Google yourself to make sure no personal information is posted by others about you >>
http://www.wiredsafety.org/cyberstalking_harassment/stalking_self_help/stalked.html
It seems that Cyber-stalking is on the increase, the following web-sites may assist
Australia
====================
http://www.haltabuse.org/resources/laws/australia.shtml
http://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/sinodisp/au/journals/MurUEJL/2001/8.html?query=^cyberstalking
====================
America
====================
http://www.haltabuse.org/resources/laws/california.shtml
http://www.cyberguards.com/CyberStalking.html
Federal law provides a number of important tools that are available to combat cyberstalking. Under 18 U.S.C. 875(c), it is a federal crime, punishable by up to five years in prison and a fine of up to $250,000, to transmit any communication in interstate or foreign commerce containing a threat to injure the person of another. Section 875(c) applies to any communication actually transmitted in interstate or foreign commerce - thus it includes threats transmitted in interstate or foreign commerce via the telephone, e-mail, beepers, or the Internet.
====================
Britain
====================
http://www.wiredsafety.org/gb/stalking/
====================
Canada
====================
http://www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca/cp-pc/crimhar-eng.htm
====================
====================
Information
====================
http://www.wiredsafety.org/cyberstalking_harassment/index.html
What is cyberstalking and what is cyberharassment?
Cyberstalking and cyberharassment are very similar. Most people use them interchangeably, but there is a subtle distinction, typically relating to the perpetratorfs intent and the original motivation for their behavior.
While the two situations usually involve many of the same online tactics, cyberstalking is almost always characterized by the stalker relentlessly pursuing his\her victim online and is much more likely to include some form of offline attack, as well. This offline aspect makes it a more serious situation as it can easily lead to
dangerous physical contact, if the victimfs location is known.
Why do people cyberstalk or cyberharass others?
Cyberstalkers are often driven by revenge, hate, anger, jealousy, obsession and mental illness. While a cyberharasser may be motivated by some of these same feelings, often the harassment is driven by the desire to frighten or embarrass the harassment victim.
Sometimes the harasser intends to teach the victim a lesson in netiquette or political correctness (from the harasserfs point of view). Often the cyberharassment victim is merely in the wrong place at the wrong time, or has made a comment or expressed an opinion that the cyberharasser dislikes. We have even seen cases where the victim is merely being targeted because they are the first ones the cyberharasser encounters when they are in a gbad mood.
What do cyberstalkers/harassers do when the stalk or harass someone?
The harasser may post comments intended to cause distress to the victim, or make them the subject of harassment by others. They may send a constant stream of e-mails and instant messages to their victims or a victimfs co-workers, friends, or family. They may pose as the victim and post offensive comments or send offensive messages in their name. They may send hateful or provocative communications to the victimfs boss, family or significant other (in their own name or posing as the victim). Often the victimfs computer is hacked or their e-mail accounts are broken-into by the cyberstalker/harasser and taken over entirely, or the password is changed and the victim locked out of their own accounts. The victim may be signed-up for spam, porn sites and questionable offers.
Cyberstalkers/harassers frequently follow their victims into chat rooms and onto discussion boards, posting lies and hateful messages, or passing misinformation about the victim. They may create sexually explicit images, using the head of their victims attached to the bodies of porn actors. If they have real sexually explicit or nude images of their victims (usually from a failed romantic relationship between the stalker/harasser and the victim), they may create Web sites posting the images and advertising the site to friends and family of the victim, or supply them to commercial porn sites with amateur image sections for public display. We are even familiar with cases where the cyberstalker has threatened the life of the President of the United States or the Queen of England, while posing as the victim.
In the most dangerous type of cases, the cyberstalker posts the name, address and telephone number of the victim online, often posing as them, and soliciting sexual activities on their behalf. In a California case, a man targeted a woman by posting her name and address online and soliciting group sex. The woman had never even used the computer before, but found herself facing angry, sexually frustrated men at her front door.
Death threats are typical in a cyberstalking situation. In fact, there have been several well-publicized cases in the United States where victims were eventually murdered by their stalkers. Many of these began as cyberstalking situations.
If there is any indication that a cyberstalker/harasser knows where the victim lives, works or how to find them offline, law enforcement must be contacted IMMEDIATELY to begin an active investigation into the circumstances of the situation. WiredSafety's law enforcement division, CyberLawEnforcement.org assists law enforcement in cyberstalking/harassment cases.
Is cyberstalking illegal? What about cyberharassment?
The laws tend to lump the two types of cybercrimes together. For the purposes of this guide, other than when there is a legal distinction, both cyberstalking and harassment are discussed under the heading gcyberstalking.h While most states in the United States have various types of cyberstalking/harassment laws on the books, there is no U.S. federal cyberstalking/harassment law (except when children under 16 are involved and being targeted for sexual harassment). Many Western European countries have cyberstalking/harassment laws, but they are the exception rather than the rule. Few Asian countries have cyberstalking/harassment laws.
If I canft file criminal charges against the cyberstalker/harasser, what can I do to them?
Often the victims of cyberstalking and cyberharassment are limited to civil litigation (suing the stalker or harassment) or reporting the cyberstalker/harasser to their ISP and trying to get their accounts revoked, or Web sites shutdown.
Are there different types of cyberstalking/harassment situations?
Absolutely! There are three different kinds of cyberstalking situations...
¡Online cyberstalking and harassment that stays online
¡Online harassment and stalking that ventures offline or encourages offline actions
¡Offline stalking or harassment that moves online
It doesnft make any difference whether or not the victim has even used the Internet. The distinction between online and offline is dependent on the medium used by the perpetrator.
For example, online stalking/harassing is usually defined as gcrepeated unsolicited contact by electronic meansch with the intent to gcterrify, intimidate, or harassch another. The medium in this instance can include computers, Fax machines, telephones, etc.
Offline stalking/harassment involves the same type of behavior, but in real life. This includes everything from repeatedly following a victim to actual physical contact between a stalker and his/her victim.
Although each of the three situations above include some form of online attack, and can be terrifying for a victim, only those that have an offline component are physically dangerous. Note: the laws in your jurisdiction may only cover offline stalking and harassment, or those with an offline component
What is the profile of a typical cyberstalking/harassment victim?
Cyberstalking occurs more often with women as the victim, although that is gradually changing. Our most recent survey discloses that men are being cyberstalked and harassed more frequently by women than ever before. To view our survey results, visit 2003 cyberstalking Survey.
Children who are stalked by adult sexual predators are not considered victims of cyberstalking, but rather are considered luring victims or victims of child exploitation. You can read our Margaretfs Story page for more information about how stalkers/harassers target children online for abuse/exploitation by others
What can you do to avoid becoming a victim of cyberstalking/harassment?
Typically, the cyberharassment victim is new online, and inexperienced with the rules of netiquette (online etiquette). So learning the rules of the cyber-road is a good way to avoid being an easy mark for a cyberstalker/harasser.
Typically, the cyberharasser feels empowered by the perceived anonymity online. They feel they can hide behind their monitor. But most people leave a trail of cyber-breadcrumbs behind them online. Learning how to read an e-mail header is a good place to start stripping your stalker/harasser of their perceived anonymity.
Ignoring the communications sent to you is the best first step to stopping most cyberstalking/harassment. Unless your situation involves a truly obsessed or depraved harasser, most will lose interest quickly if they don't get the reaction they seek. Our cyber-self-defense tips can help you avoid cyberstalking/harassment entirely and stop it before it gets out-of-hand.
Flaming wars (where insults and verbal attacks are traded online) can often lead to cyberstalking and harassment. Flaming can get out of control quickly and often escalates into serious threats, offline and online.
Cyberstalking, where the real dangers arise, can have a substantial offline aspect, either by way of the victim and stalker working together, romantically involved or prior or current communications of some kind. Some are intent on targeting victims of sexual abuse, cancer patients and members of certain minority groups. Protecting your privacy is key to protecting yourself form credible offline threats.
What is a quick list of safety tips to avoid cyberstalking/harassment?
Read our cyberstalking Online Self-Defense Guide and know these online safety rules:
¡Don't respond to flaming (provocation online)
¡Choose a genderless screen name
¡Don't flirt online, unless you're prepared for the consequences. This is just like real life. Yes, you have the right to flirt. And you have the right to a sexy nickname. But the more obvious you are, the more likely you are to arouse unwanted attention from unwanted suitors.
¡Save offending messages and report them to your service provider >>
¡If someone makes threats in a chat room or on a message board, notify the moderator or Web site operator right away
¡Donft confront the stalker/harasser, this only arouses more anger or emotional attacks
¡Don't give out any personal information about yourself or anyone else link to private surfing info]
¡Get out of a situation online that has become hostile, log off or surf elsewhere
¡Google yourself to make sure no personal information is posted by others about you >>
http://www.wiredsafety.org/cyberstalking_harassment/stalking_self_help/stalked.html
It seems that Cyber-stalking is on the increase, the following web-sites may assist
Australia
====================
http://www.haltabuse.org/resources/laws/australia.shtml
http://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/sinodisp/au/journals/MurUEJL/2001/8.html?query=^cyberstalking
====================
America
====================
http://www.haltabuse.org/resources/laws/california.shtml
http://www.cyberguards.com/CyberStalking.html
Federal law provides a number of important tools that are available to combat cyberstalking. Under 18 U.S.C. 875(c), it is a federal crime, punishable by up to five years in prison and a fine of up to $250,000, to transmit any communication in interstate or foreign commerce containing a threat to injure the person of another. Section 875(c) applies to any communication actually transmitted in interstate or foreign commerce - thus it includes threats transmitted in interstate or foreign commerce via the telephone, e-mail, beepers, or the Internet.
====================
Britain
====================
http://www.wiredsafety.org/gb/stalking/
====================
Canada
====================
http://www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca/cp-pc/crimhar-eng.htm
====================
====================
Information
====================
http://www.wiredsafety.org/cyberstalking_harassment/index.html
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