Thursday, January 20, 2011

For better or For worse

So, I didnt get to make it to this discussion, but it interested me, simply because there is a Dom I am considering to belong to, but he has stomach cancer. So, it would be difficult, as it is in stage three, so he doenst have long to live. So, even if it is a depressing topic, and read, I feel it holds truth, and the person has had experience in it.
Please do not steal this work, and claim it as your own. If you want to share it, please keep the bottom in tact, as he has written this himself, and he deserves full credit. Thank you Eric.
"In sickness and in health". These are the words that a couple say to each other at a marriage ceremony. It can also pertain to the comments or feelings that transpire between a Dominant and a submissive at a collaring ceremony. In today's lecture W/we are going to explore some of the ramifications of uttering and swearing to such an encompassing statement.
"In sickness and in health". Well its pretty easy to accept the "health" part isn't it? If everything turns out healthy then really there isn't a problem at all is there? But what of the opposite? What if the Dominant or the submissive becomes embroiled in "sickness"? How does either party deal with that eventuality?
Today let U/us look at both sides of the "sickness" dilemma. Lets look at what happens if the submissive becomes ill or incapasitated and also what can happen if the Dominant becomes ill or incapasitated. In both scenarios things can and do change drastically. How do the T/two cope with these changes?
Let U/us first explore what can happen if the submissive becomes sick and because of that sickness is unable to fully continue in the role that he or she had previously had no problem in performing.
Now, of course, a short term disability to being able to perform in the capacity that they previously performed is not really a problem. The Dominant should of course be able to guide and nuture and support Their submissive through a short term period without much difficulty or distress. The problem here that I wish to address is a long term disability, one where the submissive can not perform his or her duties for a long period or perhaps be unable to perform them ever again in the same way as they were able to before.
W/we all know what I am talking about. Cancer, heart attack, physical or emotional disability.How does the Dominant respond? How should the Dominant respond? How does the submissive respond? How should the submissive respond? Let U/us look at these four questions individually.
Through My experience in this Life I have seen this situation arise and have seen several ways in which the Dominant has responded.
1. The Dominant can accept the situation, take care of His or Her submissive to the best of Their ability, and move foward knowing that Their submissive is incapable of performing certain duties and chores. The Dominant can alter or change the duties and requirements that They demand of Their submissive.
2. The Dominant may aquire a new submissive to take the place of the incapasitated submissive, while continuing to provide for the original submissive the care they need to the best of the Dominant's ability to do so.
3. The Dominant just releases the submissive who is incapable of performing the required duties and moves foward.
4. The Dominant can respond by allowing the situation to dictate the outcome falling into a state of depression and inertia unable to cope with or to alieviate the situation.
1. The submissive can accept the situation, do as much as they can to fullfill their role to the best of their ability, offerring possible alterations or changes to allow themselves to perform their duties as best as they can.
2. The submissive can accept that perhaps since they are unable to perform their duties, the Dominant has a right to bring into the relationship a new submissive who can perform the duties that submissive can not perform.
3. The submissive can withdraw from the relationship, asking for and receiving his or her release from the Dominant.
4. The submissive can respond by allowing the disability to dictate the outcome and become depressed and incapable of moving foward in any direction.
How the Dominant and the submissive respond is a very personal matter. It is My belief that first off, open communication between the Dominant and the submissive is of vital necesity. Only through truly open communication between the Dominant and the submissive can a plan of action be determined and a path that meets and responds to the needs of BOTH the Dominant AND the submissive be found and followed. In My mind at least the fourth response is the one that at all costs should be avoided. Allowing the situation to dictate and not the Dominant and the submissive will in most cases lead to a poor outcome. Through open communication and trust a solution can be found which might not be optimum but at least takes into consideration the needs of BOTH the Dominant and the submissive allowing for at least a greater chance of a positive outcome.
There was a period where I had surgery on My neck, became incapasitated , actually became addicted to the pain killers, and was close to death. My ella, in response to this situation had to , besides of course caring for Me to the best of her ability, assume a position of authority. During this period I was incapable of making sound decisions both for Myself and for her. My ella had to make ALL the decisions affecting both herself and Me. My ella had to assume the Dominant role to protect and guide U/us both through this period due to My inability to do so Myself.
It was a very trying period of O/our relationship. It was much more of a huge task for her because she was aware of what was going on and I was not. My ella alone, without My guidance or help had to handle ALL the problems which arose and guide U/us both through this period of distress and upheaval. Needless to say she got U/us both through it. I recovered and it was all due to her ability to do the things she was forced to do by the situation. My ella did remakedly well and I like to think that it was because of My previous teaching and guidance that she was strong enough to do the things she had to do.
Now, of course. it would be nice to say that was simply it. My submissive "rose to the occasion" and got U/us through a difficult time by assuming a Dominant role that was forced upon her and doing what needed to be done. But there were ramifications of her actions. There are ramifications of the submissive reversing their role, even for a short period of time. Let U/us explore the main ramification.
The major ramification was the difficulty of U/us both, after the crisis had passed, of reassumming O/our previous roles of Dominant and submissive. S/some may feel that this is an easy resumption of the roles O/our natures had assigned U/us but in reality it proved more difficult.
Once a submissive has had to assume the role of a Dominant, even for a short period of time, it requires a relearning of the original role, both for the Dominant and the submissive. I do believe that it is easier for the Dominant, though difficult at times cause the Dominant always can remember how easily His or Her Dominance was ripped from Themselves.
For the submissive however it can be much more difficult to resume the role of the submissive once they have been in the role of the Dominant. It requires a relearning of their true nature, a re-establishing of trust in the Dominant's capabilities, both to guide and to teach. It requires the submissive to once again accept that the Dominant knows what is best and relinquish the control over things, especially if they did a great job of controlling things during the crisis.
It can be a long process and a process that requires a great deal of open communication and recommitment on the parts of both the Dominant AND the submissive. It can be almost like starting over. During this "re-aclimation" period the Dominant has to be extra patient as He or She goes through the process of in reality "re-educating" Their submissive.
In the case of a long term illness the role reversal becomes more entrenched and might be unable to allow the submissive the ability to ever truly revert back to the way he or she was before.
As I reach the conclution of this lecture I realize that it was quite a depressing subject. But I do feel that it was a subject that needed to be talked about. P/peopkle do get ill and illness/sickness does have a very nasty way of interferring with O/our lives. But I do believe that through open communication and maintaining a firm commitment the Dominant and the submissive can survive, learn and grow. I truly hope none of Y/you face this situation anytime soon but I hope Y/you and Y/yours will discuss between Y/yourselves the possibility and have a plan in place if the neccessity arises.
Written and discussed by Ericella Sixpence of Second Life
Posted at 08:11 am by FiainHeart
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BDSM Basics
I met a man on Secondlife. He is from England, and he has been a very close man to me. Granted I have only known him shortly, but he has been the opening of my door to so many different advances in my bdsm life. So, he holds dicussions on Second life related to bdsm, in fact he has one today at 11 am pacific time. So I get to go to it. Anyways, this is my first dicussion related to bdsm, and I figured I would share it. I want to thank ( Lord Baccarin ) for helping, and for giving out this information.
Please do not use this work as your own. The people who give this information have taken time to throw it together to help out people who are new, so make sure if you do use it, you do not claim the work as your own. That is called Plagiarism, and could land you in a law suit.
- The term is an acronym. It stands for Bondage & Discipine, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism.
- BDSM are activities that evolve around the mentioned terms.
- Examples: It can range from basic things to spice up the intimacy, such as spankings, to more "advanced" ones such as whips and even to living the BDSM lifestyle. Which one you choose is entirely up to you and your partner, no right or wrong.
- Top: a partner who takes the giving part in a situation / play.
- Dom (Domme for female): a partner who takes the dominant part in a relationship / lifestyle.
- Master/Mistress: usually reserved title for our dominant partner.
- Bottom: a partner who takes the receiving part in a situation / play.
- Sub/slave: a partner who takes the submissive part in a relationship / lifestyle.
ARE THEY ANY RULES? Oh yes, of course.
- SSC: meaning Safe, Sane, Consensual. Activities have to be considered safe and sane by both, the consensual part is the most important.
- LIMITS - have to be respected at all times.
- - Soft limits: things we won't do, but if the time/place/partner is right, we could try.
- - Hard limits: things we don't do. Period. Not now, not in 100 years.
- SAFEWORDS: pre-agreed words/signs used when things go wrong and the play needs to be stopped. Anyone can call them at any time. Absolutely to be respected, otherwise things can go wrong very badly. Examples: feeling dizzy, the spankings are too hard, you remembered the owen is on ...
- AFTERCARE: Activities to do after a play sceene to "get back to normal". Have cold water handy, make the partner comfy, rub their limbs, etc. Aftercare is applied for both, not just the receiving partner, because it takes mental/physical toll on the giving/dominant partner also.
- ETIQUETTE: Rules employed by specific groups. Learn them if you want to be in their presence, respect them and don't tell them the rules are stupid. You can choose not to be there.
- "THE TAKEN RULE": If you see someone has a partner, stay away. Would you want your partner to be harrased all the time ? See?
ANYTHING ELSE? Yup ¨C tips to start:
- If you already have a partner: Start by having your eyes tied with a silk scarf while making love, tie his hands behind his/her back softly, ask them to not move at all while pleasuring them, etc.
- If you don't have a partner: Now that you discovered this wonderfull world - DO NOT RUSH. Find a suitable partner. Yes, they exist. If you rush, you won't get what you seek for, because the partner won't fit. Take your time, get to know them.
Good luck and many happy moments.
D/s Learning Hall Staff
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