Thursday, January 20, 2011

Outlook of BDSM and M/s

A letter from a friend
Outlook of BDSM and M/s
When a person watches BDSM or a M/s relationship from a objective standpoint one often assumes that it is merely the physical control of one person over the other. That one person is forced to submit and the other asserts control. The truth of the matter is that BDSM and M/s are far from a objective thing. It is not a end, but rather a means to an end.
In any relationship the couple must have a bond, a connection. For some that is cuddling on a porch watching the sun set, for others fondly kneeling at the Feet of their Dom. BDSM in this case is a means of showing love for each other, one through their submission to their Master. The other through the thoughtful and respectful domination of their sub. And of course not only is it a means, it is a means that many enjoy at a level that is hard to explain.
BDSM is not about Control.
Furthermore, BDSM is not about force and control. Those are poor words to use. Any sub or slave should willingly do what their Dom orders. However by no means are they forced to obey. They have the choice. And sometimes are punished for "wrong" choices. However this is something that they take on willingly. They trust in their Dom's to punish them for a reason....not to simply punish them.
Trust. This is the Foundation of Domination. A Dom must trust his sub to do as he wishes in his prescence and when alone. And a sub must trust her dom to care for her, not to treat her unfairly...and to care for her heart.
Respect in BDSM and M/s
Respect This is another cornerstone of Domination. A sickening number of Masters and Doms in SL believe that slaves are here to serve as their personal doormats, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally. Sometimes all three. I have seen a lot of variety in this particular abuse of M/s.
Some obvious, punishment of a slave who doesn't enjoy it for the sake of some sadistic pleasure on the part of the Master. I cannot argue with the fact that a Master has that right, but it is a abuse. You will find plenty of people here that love the punishment for the punishment, find them.
Some not so obvious to those that are new to M/s here. One such thing is what I like to call the 'Catch and release method." This is namely those Masters who feel the need to have a slave for a few days or weeks and than release them to find another. A sub friend of mine once surmised it like this, and I agree. "Most Masters here collar a slave to claim exclusive rights over the avatar he sees. He cares not for the person behind the screen, he cares not for the feelings of her....he merely wants what he can claim as his own..and when he gets bored she gets let go." This is one of the attitudes that really, aggervates me. One can never forget the person who controls the avatar.
Another are those Dom's who own 2,3,4,14,58 slaves. I do not deny that you can have a slave family in SL. I in fact own two lovely girls. However one must always consider the girls when you have such a family. For instance, if one decides he wants another slave he should consider his current slave girls. Having 5 girls might sound like a great idea. But can cause a lot of heartache for the Dom or the subs should one not consider them. They do matter, and only a foolish Dom would consider taking their slaves opinion as weak.
Furthermore....I will say this. TRUTH is the most important thing in a slave family. Be honest with your slaves, and if they are honest with you it will work. Otherwise it is a diaster waiting to happen.
Freedoms and Restrictions in BDSM and M/s
This is one area even I must admit to have some issues. As a Master one has the authority to literally make her do his will. Whether to restrict her to him only, or to make her have sex with every person who asks. I have seen both. The only advice I can offer to slaves and Doms in SL is that it totally depends on the pair. Some girls like to be totally restricted, they like that protection and adherence to their Dom only. And on the flipside some are giddy over the thought that their Master has made it so they are subject to any person. And that they submit to their Master's will in that respect. You must be careful in the rules or orders you make your slave obey. They will reflect on you in the end, your slave will know her place based on these things. And if you give her rules not fitting for her in the end both the Dom and the sub will be hurt. The only caution I offer is to make sure that one is respectful of any such choice and to remember the saying.......
If you love a person let them go....if they love you they'll come back if not they were never yours.
(Not suggesting that you literally release them but you should get the idea)
Lists in SL BDSM and M/s.
I FULLY support this, have your slave fill out a "On and Off, Do's or Dont's, Kinks List. This is a good way to know where you can push and where you cannot. I will post one here as a example. Consider this a type of safeword replacement in SL. However safewords are still a good idea as well.
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Mastering in BDSM and M/s.
I'll say it as it is. I have not met a slave or sub on SL who has not had a shitty, disrespectful and unsatisfying Dom. I will not say I have never screwed up as a Master. I have, but I am glad to say that most of the slaves I have lost were more to timezones or other uncontrolable things. And that they still keep in contact with me, and that some even still kneel to me.
Mastering is a combination of many important things.
1. The ability to know what a sub needs.
2. The ability to Dom without being overbearing.
3. The ability to put a slaves needs above your own should she need it.
4.The ability to respect hard limits, and knowing if to push soft ones.
5. And finally the ability to accept that a slave is human, and she will never be perfect.
Those who expect a slave to follow orders perfectly and punish a girl for what amounts to a small crime is a sad and apparent truth in SL.
This is my notecard on what I believe in the Foundations of Domination, and it is not complete in any sense of the word. But this is for those Dom's who know that BDSM has a bad name in SL because of other Dom's who can't Dom, and for those slaves and subs who have been hurt to know that there is hope. That there are Dom's out there who do care, who can Dom. Give this note to those who wish to learn, those you wish to teach, or those who need a little inspiration.
Alex Giacobini
I was given this by my friend Alex. I feel his words are very wise in all matters of the aspects stated above. I love you Alex, and despite your RL taking over so much, you still hold a special place in my heart.

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